FORGIVE ME FOR CHOOSING YOU....

I remember when i was young
a little child with a small mind
but i knew something little
about falling in love
i saw mum and dad walk together
 i attended wedding ceremonies
and i saw the joy in hearts
the willingness in eyes
i wanted something like that
to walk beside someone always
to have a joyful heart all times
and to have a willing soul 
  when i grew up i began to learn
i knew to be happy
sacrifices had to be there
it was not as easy as marching  

in that wedding to the aisle
or as pure as the white gown
that the bride wore..neither
was it as bright as the colors
 that flooded the weddings
but i was still determined
that my missing rib
must be somewhere in the world

i didn't look so hard
and finding wasn't easy

and when i found challenges

flooded every moment of it

but for every challenge

we were stronger together

we stuck by every moment

because a moment of triumph

would be our climax

i don't give up easy

neither do i walk out as fast

when i know what true love is

i only become rebellious

when am not happy

and i decide to find happiness

from somewhere else

because you don't judge me

am still with you

because you believe in me

am stronger everyday

because you trust me

you have faith in me

and because you love me

you will always be there for me

am not leaving any time soon

forgive my heart for choosing you

THE AFRICAN MAN

Hmm i long for my culture
i yearn for my true self
i am scared of the unknown
yet its time to get married
am scared of the changes around
 i wish it was still the olden days
when culture was embraced
embraced with passion unknown
when young men were girded
and young women molded
it was always a good ending

gone are those beautiful days
when a real African man
fought with lions and leopards
i pity myself as i watch him now
he fights with plastic cars
and plastic men in the name of
computer games..my skin freezes

i miss those days when
marriage was planned
you only had to wait for your man
your morals were watched
and your moves monitored
divorce was a vocabulary
what happened to culture

every time i see a man with studs
and he has his trousers down
with funny hairstyle
and funny dress code i am shaken
what happened to grooming
what happened to dressing
i cry for my dear soul
am scared of the extreme changes

the tunes of long ago
fresh in my mind everyday
when good music was good music
African instruments crowned it all
i still hear Oliver Mutsukudzi try
Miriam Makeba still hits
and many more African men
they kept the culture
and preserved their language
whats with the borrowed ones?
Its still a mystery for me

the African man,what changed?
Respect for women is no longer
respect for the child is no more
here comes cost sharing
i still uphold that
a man is the head of the home
where did women learn the 50/50
how many marriages survive
i miss the African man

he took his responsibilities
took care of his family
fed his children,sheltered
and also clothed them
when did the African woman
begin fighting the man
when did she begin
answering when he speaks
where did the African morals go?
Am afraid for the coming
it gets worse everyday
and not until we remember our
roots shall we describe what
love is and what lust is.....

Whenever people speak of love
i keep silent and laugh inside
no one wants to admit
that love is the result of
perseverance,patience,trust,faith
we still have a long way

real men fought in world wars
with spears not guns
they got wounded but fought on
real men went for food in forests
not packed meals in stores
and never came back empty
real men respected the elderly
and didn't fight back
and they were blessed to date

where did the African man go to?

I AM NO MORE A CHILD.....

Everything was strange....

everyone was stranger....

but i was strangest. 

So innocent in the face

 but i had a lot to say.

 I had seen a lot more than 

the world expected of me. 

My nerves could no longer 

sustain the ongoing events. 

Back then,i was weak,

i could only watch

 from a distance. 

I could only listen 

behind walls and closed doors.

 It was this today,

that tomorrow and

 something else the next day. 

It was a lifestyle and life cycle

that could be accommodated by none.

 I became used to the fire

 but when the smoke

 started chocking me,

i relented.

I no longer wanted to

 watch from a distance.

 Neither did i want

 to listen behind walls 

and closed doors. 

I was burning with fury,

hatred and horrid ideas 

found their way in my mind. 

My tears ran down my visage

 like a rivulet. 

They were my comfort

watched from miles away 

afraid of the outcome 

of the events at hand. 

Yet all was like 

a crudely played game. 

 My life had suddenly

 become as useless to me

 as a piece of dead wood

 thrown and discarded 

in the middle of the ocean.

 I tried talking but

 my tongue was heavy.

And even when it was light

i didn't see anyone to talk to. 

Nobody could understand:

i was just a child then. 

I am no more a child. 

i don't watch from a distance

 or listen behind walls 

and closed doors.

I cry no more.

 I've found happiness.

 Nothing is strange to me,

nobody is a stranger to me

 and I'm not the strangest person

 I understand my surrounding better.

 I've gotten used to all

that pertains to life.

I'M NO MORE A CHILD.

LIGHTING CANDLES IN A WINDY ALLEY.......(part two)

Except for the few patches of clouds that skidded the western horizon on the far end, evening was coming with huge forces. Father closed the shop i followed him to the car like one in a trance. Soon we were racing down the streets to the warmness of home that father had only an idea of. He never got there. Not long after leaving the manes avenue we were being followed. It was uncanny the way lights stayed in perfect formation, the way they kept the same distance from us. Slowing when we slowed, and speed when we sped up. Father girded himself for the oncoming event. His breathe showed like smoke in the frosty air of the evening. I held my breathe. I couldn't  pray but i kept saying Oh God! Dear Lord!

Screeeeechhh!!! Suddenly father halted. He almost hit the electric post. My heart skipped a second and i rolled down the back seat. I saw beads of perspiration run down his face, he wiped it with a handkerchief. I am sure he never wanted me to know how scared he was.

They walked like insectoid creatures, side by side towards the car, and their motions were synchronized precisely. Their eyes were hard, perfectly round and luminescent gold, like the eyes of the moth at night.With such a visage it was hard to discern expressions. They revealed more cruelty than compassion. 

"just hold it there Juma, and don't try anything funny of course or else i will permit you a sweet one in the head!" one of the men blurted.

I was shocked to the roots of my existence. These people knew father. I was forced to believe that these were not common criminals but people up to something more sinister. Before i could do anything, my arm was grabbed and i was pulled out. Father pleaded with them but it fell on deaf ears. I yelled. with an attempt to frighten the mugger, but he was glued to me like a leech on the ground. He was close to me, hunch and intent, not in any position to let go off me.

Before i could yell again, i saw the colt first and froze. An A38 automatic and a cold cruel voice sent an asphyxiating shudder through my body. I obeyed every order that followed. Barely could i explain the pain. It was not anything anyone could talk about. I felt wet, my dress was soaked in blood. Total confusion is what mounted my blank mind. At five????I hated myself,hated them, hated my father as well. I felt cold from head to toe and the warmth of tears welling down my eyes reminded me that i was in the middle of no where. I clutched at my blood stained hands tightly not really believing the things that were unfolding before my eyes. 

"Bob, don't do that to her!" I heard father cry out. what followed was a thud on his head. Then pitch silence. It was too painful for me to react. i was not thinking any more.......i saw many candles that were lit in the windy alley.......

Smoke engulfed the house
it was grass thatched
the wood use for building
turning black and sooty
she sat near the blazing fire
pushing the firewood every time
her head burried between legs
she stared with teary eyes
once a while
she raised her head
and surveyed her surrounding
then went back to stare
the fires shone on her face
and made little tiny stars
she was crying.....
Two sullen faces at the corner
looked at her hopelessly
their stomach bulgded out
and their tiny hands thin
almost falling down
they looked like tiny branches
on the mogumo tree
she kept stealing glances at them
and they kept staring at the fire wondering why it was burning
with no pot on it
fraile as she was
she had hope in her
poor as she might be
she could afford a box of matches
when the fire is nearly dying she hears the sound of an bird
she walks outside to look and finds a guniea fowl
it doesnt move even an inch
she grabs it effortlessly
and they have a meal for a day
maybe two or three more to come

how many have this kind of hope
how many believe in themselves
she may not have had food
but she had a box of matches
she lit the fire to give hope
to the kids staring angrily at her
she didnt know how to feed them
but she kept hoping they will eat
and when the fire is almost gone
they have a meal that lasts them
how many give up last minute
how many curse the day
that they were born?
Do not give up,dont despair
it could be at your door
just wait till the last embers
and let doors be open
keep staring at the fire burning
and be brave always
and keep the faith too
for you never know
when the Lord shall bless you

like everyone else
your story is long
but dont think its the worse
for one of these days
your victory shall be at your door.

 I COULD TAKE YOU THROUGH THE NIGHT....

aint like i don't know you have a house

aint like i don't know you covered

aint like i don't know you warm

but i know about nights that can be long

i know about nights that are extreme

i know something about the night

yeah i know something that you don't

 

aint like you cant watch the stars

aint like you cant do a movie

aint like you really need me

but i know something about the stars

that you may not know

i know something about the moonlight

when its dimer and when its full

yeah i know something that you don't

am not an angel...they are glorious

am not angelic but humanity reigns in me

its not only the angel

that can take you through the night

sometimes we need another human

even if we will not talk to them

but their presence beside us is enough

 

have you ever had a night where

the only thing you wanted

was a life breathing beside you?

that's what we all need

yeah....someone breathing beside us

no one can ever be an island

even islands have trees and animals breathing

right on them.....

give me that minute to take you through this night

for only tonight...i can keep you warm

for just one night i can watch over you

and for every night i can breath beside you

just have the faith in me for one night

i will take you through the night

......if you let me.

Every minute of my life
i want to be with you
and every second of my life
i think of you in tears
when you see me yearning
am yearning for you
when you see me calling
am calling for you

 

everytime i cry
i wish i never knew you
every time i pray
i hope you feel it in you
i feel so lonely
that i wonder why you are there
i wish you could go
so i can live in reality
that all these isn't
for you and for me

THE LITTLE THINGS THAT WOMEN DESIRE

Time and again some men keep on asking, "What do Women really want ?
Simple, women just want little and simple things. Nothing much.
    Here is a sample of the little things you can do to make them really happy ..... Try and you'll agree with me.........  
... A Plain looking husband

... A Normal simple ring




... A small wedding party



... A honeymoon at a quiet place




... A small house for the kids to run around





... A couple of lovely children



... With a husband who is a family man


... but one who works hard ... and earns well



... A small car for shopping


... And a bigger one for the family and kids



... A few personal collections



... and a few shoes for each occasion




... Some decent outfits



... Some basic cosmetics


... A makeup kit or two



... Just one overseas trip every year



... Or three or four domestic holidays



... Quiet candle lit dinners

... Occasional presents


... Some luxury treatments

...And finally, some solid securities for the future

That's all ... WOMEN ARE NOT DEMANDING AT ALL !!!!!
DO YOU THINK SO?????

LIGHTING CANDLES IN A WINDY ALLEY.......

I looked back, it was not me. I knew who i really was. Love may not have existed in my life but i knew i was better than what i saw everyday. The reflection on the mirror was of a young beautiful lady. One with faith and ambitions that long lived in her.  A lady the world would be proud of, a lady any man would be proud to call wife. I did not feel it. That's what every man i met thought i was.Agony had led me to decisions that burnt my heart. All who knew me thought i was crazy.....my pretty smile knew what was beneath.

Years were slipping by, but my distraught mind showed no signs of improvement. It was a life of visions and depression in the day time and of nightmare in the night. The self doubt that often follows that betrayal of a life long trust keeps creeping into my mind. But, the vehement desire within me blindly drove me through this world. This desire partially lifted the shadow of sorrow that darkened my heart . I gazed upon the fortifications that and impediments  that seem to keep human beings from the citadel of nature and harshly and ignorantly, i repined. It is thus that i learned to associate evil with their prosecution ,happiness with their disregard. It was suddenly pitch dark but i had to light a candle through this windy alley.......

BLACK ROBE VERSUS WHITE ROBE...where is sanity?

it was a long weekend, i had to go to bed earlier because Monday was here. another week of sitting for long hours in the office doing what i love most...writing. its barely morning and i am woken up at 4.15am with a text message. of course i didn't smile about it because its abnormal for any one to send a text at that hour. what gets me even more annoyed is the code..+234...i try figuring out what country it is as i read through the text
"save a soul 2ru your prayer of faith. Breaking News!!!!! Yobe State is boiling now, Churches are being burnt. many Christians killed from house to house. pls pray even if its 5minsand 4ward to others,don't ignore,cry to our God against those terrorists . He'll hear and heal our land: from CAN Abuja. pls also send to @least 10 Christians."
then i got back to sleep. i must have been woken up again at 5am with the Abuja part in my mind and the fact that the sender did not include his or her name. i cannot lie that i prayed at that time but it got me thinking. i got fully awake and remembered Kenya in 2007. must have been black and grey for a country known to be peaceful. unfortunately that has been the trend. shedding blood!. i got back o this text and wondered...what exactly would make someone kill another because of their religion? i cannot say where the world is headed to but where Africa is headed to is a little worrying.
i actually had to call a friend who hails from Nigeria to find out the real thing behind this whole massacre.  what i learnt is pretty amazing. he was not shocked about the killing at all. he told me that the killings are done by one group called Boko Harem and is an affiliate of Al Qaeda. my heart skipped. i have a phobia for anyone who finds guns and millitary equipments a passionate asset. not even a policeman who comes to rescue me from anything will convince me that he is protecting me.
Boko Harem.from further research, had given warnings about this killings. the Christians were supposed to move but had not yet done so. they also say they do not have a territory in one particular region but can control whatever region that pleases them. the people of Nigeria must be freezing.
when i get to the office i read this text again and think of my own country and the debate about sharia laws that has been rocking recently. my thoughts get to the alshabaab wars in somalia, the bombings in the coastal region and the current stories of these bombings taking place in Christian gatherings.
i conclude one thing. this is not a question of justice because if it was then it would have been a different story. someone needs to think of this outside the box of insecurity and look at the trail of events in Africa...just a word of thought...is the US president christian or Muslim...remember that time the Muslims claimed he is one of them...actually his grandmother is Muslim.....think again.

A CANDLE LIGHT....YOU...ME

Everything about him is me,
and he is for me
 a perfect image
of what any woman
 would want to see in a man.
 I never knew what freedom
and happiness was
 until he came into my life.
 Whatever the reason for our love,
if the phrase 'opposite attract'
did not apply to a couple,
it did to us
I am his breath of freedom
 and fresh air;
he is my rock
and reality check.
 His limbs  in proportion,
and i have selected his
 features as beautiful. Beautiful!......
 His  skin scarcely covers
 the work of muscles
and arteries beneath;
his hair is lustrous black,
and flowing;
his teeth of pearly whiteness
 and his straight lips
 a marvel to behold.
 The apparent music
 of the drumming roof
was augmented
 by the sound made
 by banana and sugarcane leaves
 behind the house.
All these provided
an orchestra that played for us.
We had no idea
 that our benefactor
and nocturnal visitor
was then cultivating
our virgin land-our only hope.
The yield of harvest
 would soon be heavy.
a candle light...you...me

LOVED MANY ...CHOOSE YOU

Seen many and loved them
they were perfect
so i had nothing
to change on them
i liked them the moment
i lay my eyes on them
it just never lasted
it was different from when
i first met you
the friendship was complete
i didnt have to pretend
and that put a smile in my heart
i didnt get the challenge
from those i loved instantly
there was no friendship
they were too perfect for me
i couldnt share anything
they already knew everything
neither was there any adventure
in living that kind of life
i needed something interesting
someone to remind me
what i could forget.
with you we fought
got mad at each other
but still found something
a friendship that was bound
by willingness to desire more
from each others heart.
They had dreams of their own
i had your dream.....
You had mine......

i met you and chose you
that is how different it is
your imperfection caught my eye
i needed you in my life
you knew something i didnt
i knew something you didnt
you shared in my dreams
kept my spirit so high
gave me one reason to live
''to see my dreams come true''
you still wonder why
i wont let go?
I choose you
because love is a mutual feeling
you can place it on any one
but if you choose someone
that is where your soul lays
your imperfection makes me
my imperfection makes you
thats why we made it here
it took time to choose you
so its gonna take longer to leave

i loved many....but i choose you

I WANNA BE THE LAST TO TASTE YOUR LIPS...

When the sun shines up brightly
we call it a good day.......
when the moon and stars fill the night
we marvel at how romantic it is....
there is more to a bright day
there is a lot more to a night with the moon and stars

if i could find a bright day
that i could feel your lips
I'd stay for the night
to still feel the taste

aint nothing so good
like knowing i tasted it first
and also did it the last....

when the sea is calm
we say there are no tides
and when the rains come tumbling
we say we are blessed

if i could walk you by the sea
and feel the waves on your lips and mine
and if i could kiss you in the rain
I'd feel your soul touch mine
I'll be blessed....

i wanna be the last to taste your lips....