Diseased Soul...

...and I wanted so bad to know you

For what, I am yet to know

Not that you were any special to me

Maybe you were, I don’t know

But there was something about you

A continuous nag that pushed me to you

Like how an ant can bite the tip of your boob

And the feeling of scratching just satisfies you

Like how a bug sticks onto the udder of a cow

I stuck there just sucking blood, diseased blood

Wasting away and casting away my chances at life

Not that I hadn’t seen better faced people

Or people with an aura you can only dream of

I cannot tell what struck me about you

Your deep black hair, the colour of coal mines?

No I didn’t like how tuft they were

When I brushed through, my hands jammed at the ends

It was always a painful experience

Was it your eyes that gorged out like front car lights?

No, they scared me but I found them gentle to my soul

Who would not want such satisfaction?

Maybe it is your deep, raspy voice over the receiver

When you need me to lend you a couple coins

or you needed a place to put your head

There must be something that kept me coming

Even when you broke my nose and I spit blood

Even when you twisted my arm and I had to bandage

Even when you gathered my garments and threw them

Seven storeys down and locked me out of the house

Whose rent was paid by me without a kobo of yours

I still came back and my friends called me foolish

My mother thought I must be a curse and my father,

He vowed to pound your head with his walking stick

Something was clearly wrong with my senses

...yet I still badly longed to know the person that was you

I wanted to know why I was not seeing what the world was seeing

The bastard that my friends called you

The disgrace that my father felt I had become

The low life that my surrounding subjected me to

Why was I not seeing anything at all, tell me why

You seemed perfectly how I did not want you to be

Not in my dreams and not in my desires

But you charmed me so bad it drove me crazy, still does

But how can it be that a human cannot understand these things

How can it be that one can sit so comfortably on a termite hill

The damn animals can bite and cause you sores

How is it that it seems so comfortable to sit on the back of a crocodile

And trust it to give you a ride in the water and bring you back safe

Tell me how it is because my brain cannot recollect my being

How a Sunday morning is spent paying bail in cells all over town

Because the law enforcers must not stop you for reckless driving

How a Monday morning is spent paying bills in hospitals

Because a drinking spree became a fist spree and a head was cracked

And I still wake up the next morning and want to know you

I have become a source of ridicule amongst my own peers

An SI Unit of a soul headed to the dogs

I see neighbours pull their children home at my sight

They are warned not to be seen even looking at me

And my uncles? The same ones that held my name so high

They whisper it in dark rooms and clobber their children

They mustn’t be like me for I have nothing left to show

They mustn’t be heard talking about me

Or they will be excommunicated from the clan

...but still I desire to know why you have robbed me like this

Why I can still feel your prickly beards roving around my face

Tell me why my lips still have the taste of your lips when I smirk at them

I want to know why my beddings still reek of your sweat several years on

And why my palms feel as if you are holding them like you used to do

When you would squeeze them together and promise me heaven

I can barely stand before a mirror and see the pretty that you said I was

The pimple you would stare at for hours, kissing and petting

Is now a red wounded patch for the many squeezes I have given it

So now an array of painful such black heads cover my face

And I look like a deep fried donut with protruding bulbs of red heads

My decaying stature before the world is a result of not understanding

Whether my choices are the reason I am where I am now

Or whether this curse was bound to come as the fetish priest revealed to me

Or whether you just can never get that which you wish for

There is a dark cloud hanging right above the roofing of my house

Not that it symbolizes the coming of rain, but a plague

For the ramshackle that houses my life cannot sustain even a light shower

But that does not worry me one bit, depression is the new normal

After all the filtered pictures on my profile do not reflect me

They tell of a glowing face and a glossy life and that makes me feel okay

Until you filter your own and follow with quotes that make you the angel

That one that I thought I knew and still console myself that you are

I hope we can talk about this soon...what makes me tickle

When I hear a name that sounds like yours on the streets

Or when my phone rings and I hope you have finally come to senses

Or when you write those long motivational speeches

and I shamelessly smile at them and  hope they are for me

Because I imagine they are a hint that the storm will be over soon

That I will be a societal figure looked up to like before

That I will be the SI Unit of how life should be for everyone

That my friends will make mighty posts of me being their WCW

The woman they crush on daily because she has it together

And maybe my mother will see how better my choice was from hers

The drunk whose hands shake when not holding a brown bottle

I still hope I will eventually understand this puzzle about you

When it is black and white that you are not reading from my script

...yet I still want more than anything to know you.